Numb to a Death

Just when you decided to turn your life around and make it better everything turns hay wire!

My couzin just died, he hasn’t even reached 40 yet. He has been through so much these past few months. His house was burnt, all his belonging that he has painfully acquired gone, his beloved dog dead, his children hated him for some reason recently.

Don’t get me wrong, he is not a bad man. I remember him accompanying us in Manila. If it wasn’t for him I wouldnt know the nooks and crannys in Manila. He has been a part of our family growing up. I remember him staying here at our house when I was just a kid. And news of his death quickly spread even to the south, in Bicol.

Bicol. For some reason I can’t go back there since last we buried my Lola. So many times we planned to go back there and just when Lakbay was planning a trip, this is it I’m going back to my province. The news came and now one of my couzin will be going here in Manila instead of me.

So how do I feel now? For some reason I feel numb. Why don’t I feel a thing? I heard my mom cry on the Phone while talking to me, the people in Bicol were also in tears. His children are there. BUt somehow I feel nothing. Am I bad for not feeling anything? He’s a close relative does this mean I don’t care? I grew up with him does that mean I don’t care? Am I bad to feel nothing or it hasn’t sinked in yet? I don’t feel sad though my mind is telling me to?

I need to sleep. Tomorrow I’ll be back in reality. TO feel….